Hey there! Grab your tinfoil hat, cue the x-flies soundtrack and settle into Conspiracy Corner; we're glad to have you. Join me as I dig into the world's most famous (or infamous) conspiracy theories.

New here? Here's how we roll. We'll start by giving you the lowdown on the theory itself - its core argument, history, and where the believers are today (and of course, we'll include all the fun facts that you never wanted to know). Then we’ll see if these theories have any valid points (spoiler alert, the answer is usually no) and digest why people believe.

Today's Conspiracy - Birds Aren't Real

If you were waiting for the right conspiracy to jump on, or holding out for the juiciest, most thorough and inclusive theory that covers all the wildest corners of the internet, you are in luck. The 'birds aren't real' movement is one of the most infamous and complex conspiracy theories out there. In an attempt to explain every controversial opinion that has ever existed, it covers everything from the JFK assassination to the Vietnam War, Area 51 to the opioid crisis, and even former President Trump's wall.

Here's the lowdown:

At its roots, this group claims that the CIA has been slowly replacing all birds with animatronic versions that monitor and track every citizen of the United States. They claim that every president since Eisenhower has been on board except JFK (we'll get there, don't worry) and that each election has been rigged by the CIA to favor 'anti-bird' and 'pro-citizen' candidates that will continue to keep the secrets.

If you're anything like me, this theory has a few minor holes in it. Like all gripping conspiracies, the 'birds aren't real' activists have written an in-depth pseudoscience and history that is longer than the term paper I'm not writing right now. Have no fear - there is no need to read the 20-page history, I'll cover the highlights below.

1950s - The CIA is so upset with the pigeon feces falling on them that they develop an evil plot; they will kill two birds with one stone and replace all the birds with electronic versions so that they can obtain all the secrets of America while keeping their cars clean. They recruit President Eisenhower, who agrees on the grounds of potential crime-reduction, and then they get things running (or should I say flying?).

But where, Alyssa? Where are they making all these birds? I will answer your question with a question: where do all of the secret CIA operations take place? That's right, one of Area 51's first uses was to take living birds, poison them via corrupted water, and fill their carcasses with monitoring and tracking devices before sending them back into the world.

But Alyssa, where did they get the birds? Here's where things go from strange, to . . . well, more than strange. The CIA did not want anyone to notice that the birds were going missing, but they had to get their hands on a large quantity of birds that were relatively inconspicuous. The Ore is the CIA's bird of choice. Now, take a guess as to where Ores commonly live. You guessed it; Vietnam.

In fact, the entire U.S involvement in the Vietnam War was a cover for CIA agents to go and collect large quantities of the Ore as to not cause suspicion in the U.S.

1960s - Whew, there was a lot going on in the 1950s for the CIA. Don't worry, this decade only includes a few fun facts - and of course, an assassination cover-up.

During the 1960s and 70s, there was a rapid increase in bomb shelters being built. The cover story was that these shelters were to protect Americans from the imposing threat of communist bombs; however, the "truth" behind the story is that these facilities were used exclusively to create more bird robots on a larger scale.

No good conspiracy theory would be complete without an explanation for the JFK assassination. Everything was going great for the CIA. They had no poop on their cars, they were thriving in Area 51 with a bunch of bird carcasses, until, JFK came along. On January 20th, 1961, John F. Kennedy was inaugurated as the 35th president of the United States of America. We all know about his famous "ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for you" speech, and his infamously suspicious assassination. But what you might not have realized is that JFK was apparently the first president since the CIA corrupted the bird population to be in opposition to the massacre of our feathered friends and the surveillance of the American people. As you can imagine, the CIA was not exactly thrilled about this, which led to the assassination that still weaves its way into our true crime podcasts today.

After the assassination, the CIA wanted to cover all its bases, so, according to some conspiracy theorists, they began rigging the presidential elections in order to maintain control over their operation. If you look through our presidents since JFK, they all have one policy in common: anti-bird. This is not a topic that you will hear about in debates or campaign speeches, but in the eyes of the CIA, it is the one that determines the future leader of our great nation

So the CIA is in control of the government starting in 1963. Cool, but what are they doing with their newfound power? Well, with the rising controversy surrounding the Vietnam War, they needed a new source of manual labor to manufacture the monitoring birds. The year was 1970, and the CIA had found its weapon: acid trippers. They would wander the streets of big cities, looking for people who looked like they could assemble a mechanical bird, tell them they were going to a party to trip acid, force them to put together mechanical birds, and alter their memories before leaving them back on the street with no recollection of how they got there. A big round of applause for these highly unlikely CIA agents’ truly brilliant plan.

Oh, but the plot continues to thicken. In the late 20th century, the opioid crisis began infiltrating communities across the nation. Have you ever wondered how this crisis started? Well, the birds have an answer for this too. As a part of the CIA's agenda, these birds transport opioids and other drugs to lower-class communities in order to perpetuate the cycle of poverty. This helps them maintain control over the population and forces reliance on the government for assistance.

In more recent years, the birds have had some technical problems while monitoring vacationing families beyond the border. Though former President Donald Trump was anti-bird, he did facilitate the building of a wall along the US border which provided a series of mechanical problems for the bird surveillance machines. What happened at the next election? I'm not saying I'm convinced, but it is a pretty significant coincidence.

Okay, if you're anything like me, at this point, you need a breath of sanity. The question is inevitably running through your head, “what is really going on with these bird conspiracy theorists?” I took it upon myself to follow the money and create a theory of my own: a sort of anti-conspiracy conspiracy theory if you will.

After hours of digging through the trenches of cringe-worthy news interviews, chapters of gibberish, and a very impressive website (let me tell you, these conspiracy theorists don't pull punches when it comes to InDesign), I have found the source of the conspiracy; advertising. The "Birds Aren't Real" group has an astonishing amount of trendy and attractive merchandise and has made a significant amount of money selling their apparel. Now, I'm not saying they don't actually believe the conspiracy, but a person can have more than one motivation for an abnormal belief system.

All right, well it looks like my page space and your brain space have both run out of room to consume any more wild theories. As always, it has been an honor providing 1/1000th of the content you will consume today.

Last time we met, I left you with a cliffhanger that gives Pretty Little Liars a run for its money. If you haven't read that first 'birds aren't real' article, read it first to get yourself some context. For the rest of you, let's dive right in.

On January 20th, 1961, John F. Kennedy was inaugurated as the 35th president of the United States of America. We all know about his famous "ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for you" speech, and his infamously suspicious assassination. But what you might not have realized is that JFK was apparently the first president since the CIA corrupted the bird population to be in opposition to the massacre of our feathered friends and the surveillance of the American people. As you can imagine, the CIA was not exactly thrilled about this, which led to the assassination that still weaves its way into our true crime podcasts today.

After the assassination, the CIA wanted to cover all its bases, so, according to some conspiracy theorists, they began rigging the presidential elections in order to maintain control over their operation. If you look through our presidents since JFK, they all have one policy in common: anti-bird. This is not a topic that you will hear about in debates or campaign speeches, but in the eyes of the CIA, it is the one that determines the future leader of our great nation.

So the CIA is in control of the government starting in 1963. Cool, but what are they doing with their newfound power? Well, with the rising controversy surrounding the Vietnam War, they needed a new source of manual labor to manufacture the monitoring birds. The year was 1970, and the CIA had found its weapon: acid trippers. They would wander the streets of big cities, looking for people who looked like they could assemble a mechanical bird, tell them they were going to a party to trip acid, force them to put together mechanical birds, and alter their memories before leaving them back on the street with no recollection of how they got there. A big round of applause for these highly unlikely CIA agents’ truly brilliant plan.

Oh, but the plot continues to thicken. In the late 20th century, the opioid crisis began infiltrating communities across the nation. Have you ever wondered how this crisis started? Well, the birds have an answer for this too. As a part of the CIA's agenda, these birds transport opioids and other drugs to lower-class communities in order to perpetuate the cycle of poverty. This helps them maintain control over the population and forces reliance on the government for assistance.

In more recent years, the birds have had some technical problems while monitoring vacationing families beyond the border. Though former President Donald Trump was anti-bird, he did facilitate the building of a wall along the US border which provided a series of mechanical problems for the bird surveillance machines. What happened at the next election? I'm not saying I'm convinced, but it is a pretty significant coincidence.

Okay, if you're anything like me, at this point, you need a breath of sanity. The question is inevitably running through your head, “what is really going on with these bird conspiracy theorists?” I took it upon myself to follow the money and create a theory of my own: a sort of anti-conspiracy conspiracy theory if you will.

After hours of digging through the trenches of cringe-worthy news interviews, chapters of gibberish, and a very impressive website (let me tell you, these conspiracy theorists don't pull punches when it comes to InDesign), I have found the source of the conspiracy; advertising. The "Birds Aren't Real" group has an astonishing amount of trendy and attractive merchandise and has made a significant amount of money selling their apparel. Now, I'm not saying they don't actually believe the conspiracy, but a person can have more than one motivation for an abnormal belief system.

All right, well it looks like my page space and your brain space have both run out of room to consume any more wild theories. As always, it has been an honor providing 1/1000th of the content you will consume today.

Cringe-worthy interview below:

Channel 3 Interview